This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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