things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
