Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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