Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
