my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
