the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
