I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
