JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
