looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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