Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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