you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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