So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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