We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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