Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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