Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
