you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We don't watch enough power rangers
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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