Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
