Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
