Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
