wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want her autograph on my taint
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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