You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
