I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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