I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
