You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
