I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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