When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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