he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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