the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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