??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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