nut hugger
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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