ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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