So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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