I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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