Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
