im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I AM VODKA MAN
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
