Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
