I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
