Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
