You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
