I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
