I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
