well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
