just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
