I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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