I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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