my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
