I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
