he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
