a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
