I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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