dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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